


Whole Lot of Leavin'

by PriyaxRishabh



Series: We're Broken, not Bent [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Fix-It, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 12:53:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6855526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PriyaxRishabh/pseuds/PriyaxRishabh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve's side POV to Need You Now</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whole Lot of Leavin'

**Author's Note:**

> Un beta'd so I'm sorry if there's any major grammar/spelling issues I missed!

It’s cold. It’s cold, and dark and he can’t move or breathe, and someone, anyone please hel-

Steve wakes up with a start, in an unfamiliar bed, in an unfamiliar land.

He looks around at the room, lavish in decoration, befitting a royal palace.

He gets up and goes to the bathroom, and the room whirs to life in a second, offering him his toiletries and broadcasting the current headlines.

He gets ready and makes his way past the others rooms to go make himself breakfast (T’Challa had offered them a chef, but they had refused, preferring to rely on themselves instead)

He makes himself a cup of coffee and sit down at an unfamiliar counter.

He’s not supposed to be here.

* * *

He knows he hurt Tony. It’s undeniable, and he still sees Tony’s eyes in his dreams watching his parents die. He thought that Tony would never find out, that it’d be better off this way. He was wrong. He was wrong, but Bucky was his brother, the one last fragment of his past in the new age. He wanted to keep this one piece safe, and he’d ended up damning the rest. He’d written a letter as soon as he was on the plane with Bucky to Wakanda and sent it off immediately before watching Bucky freeze, and then went to break the Avengers out of prison while he waited for Tony’s reply. He thought that Tony would clear the other Avenger’s names and come pick them up from Wakanda like he’d wanted him too. He’d been waiting for news, any news of what was happening with the Accords, and not a week later it came.

The Avengers had been dissolved.

* * *

It’d been a few months since then, and the Accords had been dropped. The pardons were still being worked on, despite strong opposition from General Ross, who had more and more scandalous information being raised about him by an anonymous source.

Why were they here?

Why was he here?

Why hasn’t Tony called yet?

These were questions that Steve Rogers asked himself daily in the morning as he drank coffee that just didn’t taste right.

* * *

They were in the lounge when the call came. The TV screen started flashing with an incoming call from an unknown number and they looked at each other in surprise? Nothing could have prepared them for what was to come next.

“Clint, Honey? Can you hear me? Kids, come quick, it’s your dad!” Laura Barton sat there with a small girl that Steve couldn’t identify.

“Daddy!” the girl cried out at the screen, and Scott Lang let out a small gasp.

“Cassie, honey, is that you?”

“Yes daddy, it’s me. I miss you! Where are you? When will you come home?”

Clint looked like he could believe what was happening, and a tension that had been with the man for the last few months faded away.

“Laura, how did you know where we were? Who helped you?”

“I was worried about you after not hearing from you so long, so I contacted Tasha who sent me to Tony Stark. He gave me the device to contact you guys privately, and asked us to pick up Cassie Lang, so that she’d be able to talk to her father too”

Clint grew pale. He’d taken Tony Stark’s signing the Accords to heart, considering it a betrayal to the Avengers and siding with the enemy, and had been nursing a grudge since then. Next to him, Scott Lang also seemed lost for words.

“Stark...Tony did?” Clint asked quietly.

“He seemed sad when he heard that you’ve been out of contact with the kids and immediately helped us out. He even insisted on giving us some cash just in case we needed it in the future.”

Steve felt a chill run through him.

He could guess at the cause for Tony’s sadness when talking to Laura Barton, the secret that was known to only 6 people in the world.

He hadn’t told the other Avengers… he’d thought that wasn’t it wasn’t his to tell.

“Laura… you shouldn’t have driven out to the compound, it wasn’t safe”

“We didn’t go to the compound, Clint. We went to where Tony lives now.”

Steve snapped out of his daze and focused on the screen once more.

“What do you mean where Tony lives now, Mrs. Barton?” Steve asked. He’d wanted Tony to be with people, to be with a family, to replace what Steve couldn’t give him back, why would he leave everyone behind?

Laura Barton frowned for a second and looked at Steve.

“Tony Stark left the compound months ago. He’s been living in a workshop in upstate NY by himself and hasn’t been seen in public since.”

* * *

They’d left Clint and Scott to go talk to their families after that and all went their separate ways.

Steve went back to his room and started to draw. There wasn’t much to do now that he wasn’t Captain America anymore, and he… he was lost. Ever since he had awoken in the new century, being Captain America was something he could hold onto, a constant through the years. But after everything… He misses Tony.

For all of his fights and disagreements, Tony was different from everyone else and treated Steve differently.. He’d challenge Steve rather than blindly follow him, for better or worse, and arguing with Tony was one of the few times he got to feel like just Steve in the modern era. People saw him as a leader, as a relic of the past, as a symbol of what America stands for. He misses the days he could just be Steve. He wonders if Tony really did just see him as Steve. Maybe that’s why his sketchpad had been slowly filling up with sketches of Tony’s eyes.

* * *

Some time later, there was a knock on the door. “Come in.” Steve answered, without looking up from his drawing. The door opened and the Clint made his way in and sat down on Steve’s bed and sighs. Steve closes his sketchpad and turns around.

“You miss your family, don’t you” Steve always felt guilty about calling him in. It had been a last minute call, to call on someone he trusted so that he could handle the matter of Zola quickly, and he had ended up depriving the man of his family for several months now. Clint gave him a small smile.

“That’s part of it, but that’s not all of it. I… Was I wrong? I thought Tony had forgotten what it meant to be an Avenger, and had become one of them, the bureaucrats, the WSC. I thought he had left the Avengers behind and everything it stood for and I was angry back then. Now...., well Cap, sometimes I wonder if we’re the ones who ended up abandoning him. I not saying he was entirely right, because he messed up big time with Wanda and bringing a damn child into a fight but… did Wanda ever tell you what caused him to try and make Ultron?”

Steve shook his head. He had asked Tony before, but Tony had shut off and walked away, and eventually Steve knew better. Wanda chose not to speak about what she had seen in all their heads, because knowing someone’s fears, their deepest darkest part of their beings was a violation she chose to not share with others, if she had a choice.

“She wasn’t doing well one day and called me up so that she could talk. She was missing her brother and her parents and talked about how she knew it was irrational, but she still hated Stark sometimes. She said the only reason she could hold herself back sometimes was because of what she saw in his head. She saw him see of us all dead, because of his failures. She saw him break down over our bodies, because he could have stopped it and he blamed himself for everything.”

Unbidden, Natasha’s words came to Steve’s mind “It doesn’t matter on which side of the Accords we fall. It matters that the team stands together”

For all of Tony’s showboating, the team always did come first. Even to the point of overreaction, like with Ultron. That doesn’t make everything right...but it certainly made some things easier for him to understand.

“The war’s over right, Cap? Then… why are we still here?”

Steve didn’t have an answer for him.

* * *

For the first time in months, Steve picks up the phone and calls Tasha.

It’s not that he’s been angry at her, it’s that he’s not sure if she’d answer. She’s the only person he can think of about calling for answers right now, and he…. He needs them.

Tasha picks up on the first ring.

“Took you long enough.”

Steve smiles softly at that, grateful that she was still there: “Been expecting me have you?”

“This call is overdue for months, Steve.”

“I know. I’m sorry. How are things? Are you okay? Is he-” Steve stops mid question. Does he get to ask how Tony’s doing? After all, isn’t he the one responsible for his current state?

“Stop that.” Natasha replies, as if reading his mind “You’re allowed to ask about him. You’re allowed to care about him. We messed up by not telling him, Steve, but that doesn’t mean either of us wanted to hurt him. He’s… not doing well. He’s isolated himself from the world, not talking to Pepper, Rhodey, or really anyone if he can help it outside the Parker kid.”

“Parker?”

“Spiderman. You’d like the kid. He reminds me of both of you, and I dare say that especially holds true for Tony”

Steve felt an uncomfortable feeling rise in chest, as he was unsure of what to say in response.

“He needs you, Steve. He’s slowly killing himself off, and it’s time. It’s time you guys actually talked, and are both honest with each other, because this? This is exactly what I was afraid of Steve. The team isn’t a team anymore, and we need to be. We’re stronger together than we are apart”

“He has the phone if he wants to contact me. I sent him a letter and-”

“Steve. I’m your friend. I’m his friend too, even if he doesn’t agree with that at the moment. And I have to say, that letter was not one of your more… smarter moves. He’s tried to get rid of the phone 3 times so far, and I’ve had to go hunting and drop them off while he was sleeping.”

“I….was the letter really that bad? I just wanted to apologize and let him know that I’d be there for him despite our differences”

“While I’m hoping there will never be a next time, stick to a “I’m sorry. I’ll be here when you’re ready.” for future reference.”

“Have you tried to talk with him?”

Tasha paused in hesitation and remained silent. This entire incident had affected her much more than she let on, another thing that he felt guilty about it. She was torn between the two of them, and it bothered her.

“I… I want to. I need to. But I can’t yet. There’s a lot of conversations that need to take place Steve, a lot of us have to make right with each other. Tony and you have to go first though. You guys… are the central two people to this incident, and until you guys talk it out, none of us can make right with the other side. If I go talk to him now, all he’ll see is you. And I need to apologize for me, not you”

“I want to apologize, Tasha. I messed up but.... I don’t know where to start. I couldn’t lose Bucky, he’s all I have left of my home” “Steve, I understand. He will too. It might take him a while, but Stark isn’t entirely blind to other people’s pain and he’ll get it eventually. But if you continue going at the rate you’re going, you’re trading your future for your past, and that’s not right either.”

“I...I need to talk with the others. I… I’ll try” “That’s all I can ask for. Steve?”

“Yes, Tasha?”

“Try to be quick about it. Bucky’s safe now but…. I don’t know how much longer Stark will be”

With that, Natasha ended the call, leaving Steve to ruminate in his thoughts.

* * *

He… he was just Steve now.

In a way, he was glad to be rid of it, the pressure of being Captain America.

It was exhausting most of the time, being pressured to the best version of yourself at all times.

But at the same time, he missed it. Since waking, it’d been his one constant, something he could hold onto and now… Steve didn’t know who he was anymore. He hadn’t in awhile.

He didn’t deserve the shield anymore, not after what he did to someone he called his teammate/friend.

He didn’t deserve his forgiveness, or a place back at the Avengers.

He didn’t deserve to be Captain America.

* * *

“ I….don’t agree with signing over our lives, our choices to an outside organization. I’ve done that, and ended up seeing what happened with SHIELD. I trust the team. I want us to be able to make our own decisions and talk about them and handle things within ourselves. I don’t regret not signing the Accords.”

“But?” Sam asked, over from the couch he was sitting at.

When Steve looked at him, he chuckled.

“You called all of us in here, there’s obviously something more you have to say.”

“I think… that the Avengers have to go back. The Avengers have to go back and prove to the world that we’re better off making our own decisions, better off not being under someone else’s control. That’s why I think you guys should all go back and set up the Avengers once again. It’ll be hard gaining back the public’s trust, but the Avengers need to be out there, helping the world, instead of hiding away from it.”

“Try again, Cap, we’re not going anywhere without you” Clint replied from his side.

Steve let out a dark laugh. “I’m not Captain America anymore”

“Like hell you aren’t. Just because Stark took the shield-” Scott interjected.

 “There’s something you all need to know. Something that I’ve avoided telling you, because I thought it wasn’t my place.”

Steve took a breath and steeled himself.

“Tony came to me in Siberia as a friend. He believed in us, and was there to help. I thought that we’d be able to work things through. I thought we had a chance of fixing everything.”

“But…. then what happened?” Wanda asked, body tense. She had been becoming more and more comfortable around Tony before this mess, but her trust in him had dimmed since the Accords.

“Zemo played a video clip of the Winter Soldier killing Tony’s parents.”

“But he was under mind control, it wasn’t his fault, right?” Scott replied.

“I… I had known about it for over a year. I convinced Tasha to keep a secret from Tony because I thought...well… I thought I was protecting him. But really… I was protecting Bucky… and myself.”

* * *

 

A small gasp left Wanda’s mouth and she looked shocked.

Steve looked at her, the guilt making it’s way on to his features.

She turned around and stormed out of the room. Scott was the next to leave, looking similarly betrayed.

Only Clint and Sam remained, tense in their seats as they quietly thought it over. “You-” Clint started, only to purse his mouth shut. “Damn it, Steve.” He made a move to get up. “I’ll go check on Wanda and Scott. I’ll talk to you later.” He began to walk after the two, but then paused “I thought after Ultron, we agreed, no more secrets. We saw what it did to us. Why would you-” Clint threw his hands into the air and left, leaving only Sam and Steve in the room.

“This is why I said it’d be better if you guys went without me.”

“We’re not.” Sam said with a flat tone

“I’d just make things worse. He doesn’t trust me.”

“It doesn’t seem like he trusts much of anyone right now, Steve. I wonder why that is?”

“Sam, I-” “Nah, I’m sorry. That was low.”

Sam let out a sigh

“Steve, you made a bad call. Hell, I’ll say you made several bad calls, but that doesn’t mean that you’re bad person. In reality, you both made mistakes.. This isn’t about the Accords, we’ll figure that out as a team. This is about the two of you, and you need to go make that right.”

“How can I expect him to forgive-”

“You can’t. You can’t expect him to forgive you, but somehow I have a feeling that eventually he will”

“You didn’t see the way he looked at me when he found out, Sam. You didn’t see how hurt and betrayed he was. He trusted me… even when I didn’t trust him, he trusted me until that moment.”

“Steve…” Sam got up and sat next to him. “That’s the only reason I told him where you were. I saw him, and I saw his eyes. He wanted to believe in you. Even after everything, he wanted to be your friend. You messed up. That’s okay. We’re all human, we all mess up from time to time.”

“But I’m… I was Captain America. I don’t get to mess up. I don’t get to be just another human being. I have to better to be-”

“Bullshit. You don’t have to be anything. You don’t need to put up the Captain America idol act for the world if you don’t want to. You’re just like the rest of us. Now, sure many people may not see it that way but… Steve, there’s very few people who actually treat you like a regular person from what I’ve seen. There’s Bucky, Clint, Nat, Me… and Tony. You don’t think you’re Captain America anymore? Fine. Then go to him as Steve Rogers. I’m not saying he’ll forgive you immediately, and I’m not saying that it won’t be hard when we inevitably start talking about the Accords again. But if there’s something I saw in that man, it was that he doesn’t give up on his friends easily. He counted you among them.”

Sam stood up, and rested his hand on Steve’s shoulder.

“I’ll get to talking to Catman about a plane. Steve… I know you feel like you have to perfect and strong all the time but...We think of you as family. We’re here because you’re Steve Rogers, not because you’re Captain America. If you ever need to talk about something, we’re here for you know?”

Steve nodded, unable to trust himself to speak words at the moment.

* * *

 

Could it be that simple?

Could Tony accept his apology?

Could he rebuild his family once again?

He thought of Wanda, betrayed by the man she looked up to.

He thought of Clint and Scott, separated from their families.

He thought of Natasha, lost without anyone to be with.

He thought of Tony, broken and alone like he’d left him in Siberia.

They was worth taking that chance.

Tony was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> This was exhausting to write, had waaaaay too many things pop up this weekend. 
> 
> I'm clearly Team Tony, but I tried to depict Steve's mental state. I think I can explore it a lot more with Tony if I can get them to talk about their respective experiences in the next fic (I also cannot wait to have them eventually validate the hell out of each other, I have the scene of Tony giving back the shield to Steve and I just... <3)
> 
> Next fic will have waaaaay more conversations and actually addressing the issues of the Accords, it's a tad bit daunting.
> 
> I really want to work on my Gilmore Girls AU with Tony as Lorelei, Steve as Luke and Peter as Rory as well all the other ideas I have (Soulmates etc.)
> 
> A special thanks to megawordstringer over on tumblr because my eyes were going to bleed if I had to read more Tony Hate in the search for good Steve meta.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all liked it!


End file.
